Saturday, June 27, 2009

K-West Girlfriend can bring her Milkshake to my Yard

I love Hip Hop. I love Rap. I even love R & B music. I like all kinds of original music but lately music, lets face it, fuckin sucks right now.

Everything sounds the same and hip hop is dead as Nas called it. But the artist I feel that continues to kill the industry and I don't mean in a good way is the self titled "Louis Vutton Don" Kanye West. What happened to the cool badass names like Tech Nine, Mack 10, or Old Dirty Bastard. The nicknames are about purses or shoes.

This motherfucker has been killing and producing shit ass track ass for the last couple of years and everyone thinks that his a fucking genius. WTF!!!

The last time saw this douche bag was on a Paris runway show, showing off his silver shine suit. Which reminds me of other asshole to first killed the industry and killed a legend, Sean "Pussy" Combs. 

The only thing I like about Kanye West is his hot ass girlfriend, Amber Rose. I don't even have to say anything about her just look at the pictures.

Fuck Kanye!!!

Posted by Ryan

Do you see the Man in the Mirror?

In fight club they have a great discussion on who, in history, would love to get into a
fight with.

Well in pap circles it isn't who would you like fight with, but what shot would you have
loved to have taken. Think about history being able to take one picture, do you want 
to be at Fords Theater and watch Lincoln die, or sitting in the front seat when JFK gets 
blown away. I always thought the greatest last shot would be a picture of Elvis, sitting 
on the toilet, pants around legs, hunched over dead. He wakes up, takes whatever 
drugs he can, eats a fried peanut butter and banana sandwich goes to take a crap 
and never finishes his number two. An awful way to die for a King, but a wonderful 
last shot.

A day has passed and now the vultures descend upon the legend of Michael Jackson
but in truth the vultures have nothing to pick up, his legend was destroyed years ago 
and what remains is the corpse of a tortured man. So forget Michael, because in 
truth, his death, changes nothing. It's not like we are a nation waiting for his next single, 
I mean MTV doesn't even play videos so who cares. Michael's death has shown us one 
thing...we all suck as a society.

To show you where America is at, do you know what song of MJ's is number one on 
iTUNES....MAN IN MIRROR. That sappy, bullshit, late 80's ballad is the song that most 
people are buying to remember Michael. I am first to admit, Thriller, Off the Wall, that shit 
kicked ass, buy that, but only in this country do we not buy his best work, but the 
sappiest. Also his catalog is probably going to make more money these next few weeks
then they ever could, I mean as a business decision, MJ dying is great for his career.

And yet the media continues to follow this story like it matters. In Iran they say that the
revolution might suffer cause most people have tuned from that to MJ. Yesterday in 
Pakistan we accidentally killed 60 civilians at a funeral when we dropped a bomb on them 
and oh a global climate bill, the first in years, is probably going to go down in defeat and 
yet MJ is all we care about. 

See paps got it right, yesterday was the day, mourn him, try and get the shots, remember 
the man, and then move on. Today paps are roaming the streets for other celebrities, 
doing their job, moving on, and yet the media will cover this story nonstop until he is buried
or cremated, my bet , he being burned up. And yet they do it, because they have an audience. 

Somewhere in middle bum fuck America, Americans are still crying, lighting candles, and 
mourning his death...YOU DIDN'T KNOW HIM. I mean when my Grandma died, I hated her, 
I didn't shed a tear, but I knew her, I was allowed to be sad. Unless Michael took you out to 
dinner for your birthday when you were 13, do you really think you can mourn him? Hey I 
can say Megan Fox is my friend all i want because I've shit her a dozen times, but in truth if 
I die tomorrow she don't care.

Also every celebrity who twitters or releases a statement saying how much Michael was 
there hero, remember that the man paid 20 million dollars to a 14 year old boy and his family 
to not talk. Innocent men don't spend 20 million dollars on pay offs. I mean Charles Manson 
made music too, but it doesn't seem like we play his songs too often. Somewhere there is a 
25 year old kid who has at least 20 million in the bank all for letting MJ play with his nuts, 
god where was he when i was growing up. He could have battered my balls around like ping 
pongs for half that, but we are still missing the point, he paid 20 million to a kid not to say 
what happened. What you think happened there? Think about it, so before we come here to 
praise Brutus, lets know him.

My favorite MJ story is how he fucked Paul McCartney. The two were friends in the 
early 80's working on SAY SAY SAY. MJ asked Paul was business advice and Paul said 
the key to making money, buy catalogs of artists. Paul is worth a billion today, why, because 
he owns Elvis and Buddy Holly music. He has made much more off them then anything the 
Fab Four did, and he was telling Mike this. He also mention that his bands early music was 
coming up for a bid and told Mike he was buying it for this much money.......what does MJ 
do, he goes out and outbids Paul, and swoops in stealing the mans own songs for him. It was 
the BEATLES catalog that built Neverland. Karma my friends, don't fuck with a Beatle.

So the only good out of this death, hopefully Paul gets his own songs back, god knows he 
needs the money.

Posted By Mr. McQueen


WTF- Michael Jackson is Dead but Flavor Flav is Not?

The King of Pop, the Icon, the man. 

Michael "freakin" Jackson passed away early Thursday afternoon with hundreds and hundreds of adoring fans at the UCLA medical center where the singer was brought to  but he was D.O.A (Dead on arrival). 

In the same afternoon, we caught up to Flavor Flav-the old, washed up hip hop star. Now the washed up reality star, that still wears those stupid fuckin clocks around his neck. Hey, Flav, that style went out in the 90s. Maybe, Flavor should check his own clock because his time will come when we will mourn him. Yeah, right!

Michael Jackson passed away but we still have Flavor Flav- it's a sad day in Hell...

Posted by Ryan

The Last Paparazzi to touch Michael Jackson

The Genius Machine interviewed Carlos the very last paparazzi to touch Michael Jackson in Beverly Hills Friday afternoon check it out
Posted by Ryan

Which Heroes star came to visit Michael Jackson at the Hospital?

Which Heroes star came to visit Michael Jackson at the Hospital?
Was it Hayden Panettiere or Zachary Quinto?

If you said Zach, then you were right. The Heroes star 
was spotted checking out the scene at the UCLA 
medical center where Michael Jackson died, then went
to get Starbucks.

Posted by Ryan

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Michael Jackson- "The Thrill is Gone"

How much you think a shot of Michael Jackson, clutching his heart and falling to the ground would be worth it. Seriously, is that a disturbing thought to have, a little, but sadly that was the first thought that raced through my disturbed brain, but no one said I was human, I am paparazzi.

When a celeb dies you can tell how much a part of pop culture they are by their coverage. I mean I love Ed McMahon and his catchphrase, "here's Johnny" was if nothing else, just a taste of genius(sarcasms kids). But when Ed died there was the normal BS coverage, couple of mentions and by nightfall everyone was talking about the Governor of South Carolina who ran away to Argentina for an affair. This is different, nothing is knocking this story off the top, well nothing short of Bin Laden going to work again in New York. Michael Jackson death is the first pop culture death to happen in the time of a 24 hr paparazzi.

I mean imagine how much the shot of Elvis on the toilet would be, or the shot of John Lennon lying there, dying as Mark David Chapman stands over them, these are retirement shots. Michael jackson
is the last great icon of music to die. Sinatra, Lennon, Presley, and now Jackson but he is the first
to die during the age of paps and thus there are the shots of him in the ambulance, ah retirement.

I have chased Jackson, shot him, talked to him, so he is real to me, he is not some faded
superstar but a guy who goes to the dermatologist once a week, a real human, who once was the King of
Pop, and who if died in 1991 would die only a legend. Sadly, the last 18 years have taken the legend and
made it a sideshow. If he died young, he dies with glory, old age is a curse to legends, it's a curse
to be a genius because with old age, comes the great enemy...time. 

Over time you lose what made you great, it becomes old, you hear BEAT IT or BAD too many times and the stories that you tell become more about, Jesus juice and little boys.  
There were paps who made a living following him each day, and so they will move on to a new legend, but it won't replace Jackson. If Brittany would have died during her crazy period the media would have covered it for days and days, but it would have all been about how crazy she is, how out of control she is, but with Jackson well, you hear talks today about his great music ability, but that will change. the circus is coming...
I remember to this day the day Kurt Cobain died, I was walking into English class in high school when I heard the news. I was a huge Nirvana fan and it saddened me, but I did not feel a loss. I did not have to go to Seattle to pay homage, but I remember a kid in school who drove there. When he returned I asked him why did he go he said,
 "Legends only die once", but that was then. 

Today they die 24 hrs a day all day, on line, streaming feed updated on you tube or the podcast with the information passed along twitter. the real loser today, Iran, no one twittered about their fucked up voting today it was all like "Hey Ashlam are we protesting today-No man MJ dead, protest tomorrow?"
For days we hear more stories, and most of them negative for when you die your enemies finish you for the kill. Sadly, that means only five black celebrities left that are worth money, that the other loser today, the black entertainment world. Other then that the douche bags who are going to the hospital or the house or the wrong star on the walk of fame and spending hours singing his songs, to you I have one thing to say YOU ARE WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY.
Seriously he made great songs in the 80's paid 20 million bucks to a kid in the 90's to not tell his story, and did drugs in the 2000's, do not spend your time crying for him, seriously go volunteer somewhere or better yet, kill yourself, follow Michael to the afterlife where thriller can play all the time.

Cause this Thriller, ain't nothing going to save you from the darkness of this night..

 Posted by Mr McQueen

Here is the last video the King of Pop- Michael Jackson

Here is the very last and very rare video of the greatest of All of Time, Michael Jackson.

We will miss you.

- The Genius Team

Having a Tough Day just Sing a Along

Just push play and sing along with the band and whisk your troubles away...

Posted By Ryan

The Hills are Alive with Bitchness

In the last season of the Hills we had to say goodbye to one boring, judgemental bitch and said to hello to a much hotter bitch. Yes, we are talking about Miss Kristin Cavallari the arch nemesis to Lauren Conrad, who quit the show for bigger and better things like writing about books about the show. In any case, KC should be a fine edition to the show, in which I don't mean I personally watch the show because why would I watch a bunch of hot girls complain about bullshit.
Also, in the last episode that annoying couple got married, and Audrina said F.U. to Justin-Bobby, and Brody loves the P.U.S.S.Y.
It still doesn't mean I watch every show.

Posted By Ryan

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

This is Why I love living in L.A.

You can pick a fight with a complete stranger. Check out these two jackasses getting into a fight over traffic. Check out Charles's mom break up the fight.

Posted by Ryan

Why is Seth Rogen such a Dick bag?

We saw Seth Rogen coming out an agent's office the other looking Olsen skinny for his new upcoming film the Green Hornet. The Genius Machine politely said hi but Seth decided he was to good to say hi back. What the fuck is his problem?
Is it because of the recent weight lose that he his such a douche bag?

Posted by Ryan

Paparazzi tries to Drive Ciara's Lamborghini Part 2

We got Ciara the other day leaving the airport going in to her new Lamborghini but the thing
was she didn't know how to drive it. So, Jesse and Tomas tried to help her or try to steal the car.
You be the judge, check out the video.

Posted by Ryan

Brad Pitt is a Cool Ass Bastard

We caught up to Mr. Pitt-Jolie the other day on his custom bike, driving around West Hollywood. I don't what your perception is about movie stars but I think movie stars should be cool and not have a care in the world and Brad does it with ease.
Are you guys excited to watch his new movie coming out this summer Inglourious Basterds.
Which is about World War II a group of Jewish-American soldiers known as "The Basterds" are chosen specifically to spread fear throughout the Third Reich by scalping and brutally killing Nazis. The Basterds soon cross paths with a French-Jewish teenage girl who runs a movie theater in Paris which is targeted by the soldiers.

Posted by Ryan

Brian Littrell talks about the Perez Hilton Fight w/Wil.I.Am Part 2

Perez got his ass handed to him...

Posted by Ryan

Remember when Britney Spears was crazy?

The 100-mph Car Chases, 
the Angry cops and Bodyguards filming us and trying to beat us up,
the Huge gangbangs,

the run-ins into Rite Aid in 2Am,
the weird English accents,
the dating of Paparazzi,
the "It's Britney Bitch!" anthem blaring from your car,
remember that crazy white bitch.

Posted by Ryan

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Don't you Wish you could be this happy

White Kids get way too excited about a Fountain Show
Don't we all wish that we can easily get excited about dumb shit.

Posted by Ryan

In the Moment

There is a moment...

It could be seconds, or minutes. When you know your prey is walking right into your realm and in that moment.....all the carcus, all the muscles, vessel everything in you pulsates. It's a rush, it's a high, it is the moment and if you ain't felt it, then I couldn't even begin to explain it to you.
When you are a pap your motor, your engine must always go from 0 to 60. When you see that celebrity and know you are about to get that shot, when the celeb doesn't even know you are there, that rush keeps you going. God I sound like a serial killer, but I am not into fat ladies nor making her put the lotion on from the basket.

But you spend so much time waiting as a pap. Waiting is the enemy to any pap and patience , well patience would be it's best ally but god so few have it . 

So you wait, and wait, and wait, and then you know KATHERINE HEIGEL is going to walk out that restaurant and you are there alone.

You are hidden so she has no idea, and you wait, you wait for the moment. Cars drive by and each car could be another pap waiting to jump on your shot, not knowing who is inside but knowing that since you are there, someone is inside worth waiting for. 
So now you wait and hope that you remain unseen. If only you could put a cloak of invisibility around your car, but alas you can't so you wait, and wait knowing that soon Katherine will finish lunch and then, well then she is yours. I wonder if process servers get this rush..sorry just an ADD moment.
And then she walks out....time seems to freeze. All your blood begins to rush, your nerves become quicker, it's like you become a superhero SUPERPAP.

She walks to the VALET and you emerge from your car. She can see you at any moment, but for these few seconds of invisibility you got her. The camera quickly is pulled from your bag still unknown, still you are a ninja a silent prey.  
Your steps are both quick and yet silent as you approach, her back is to you. If you were a hitman your job here would be done, but now, your are a pap. You raise the camera wait for her to turn, to see you. She slowly turns and her eyes, oh that look in their eyes when realize they are on camera.

Whether they give it up or not after that doesn't matter cause you both got them.

Posted by Ro

Friday, June 19, 2009

Genius Machine- Interview with a Paparazzi

This time around we interview journalist Fernando, in which we find out how he got started in this business.

Posted by Ryan

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Michael Jackson car chase Part 1

We at the Genius Machine work hard in bring you the stories you want, especially the King of Pop. 

We will do anything to get Michael Jackson for you guys because we know how much you guys love the Prince of Pop.

But he is still a freak!

Posted by Charles

Behind the Scenes at TMZ w/ Steve & Brandon

Ever wonder how the Thirty Mile Zone(TMZ) became one of the front runners of information in the entertainment industry. 

How do they get their up to date entertainment stories?

Well, journalist Steve and Brandon talking about how they get juice celebrity stories.

Posted by Charles

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

For the Haters

You scumbags,
You dirtbags,
You sleazebags
you cocking sucking fags.

You are the reason why Britney went crazy,
       why we have one less Princess in the world
Why Paris is a slut and Lindsay steals jewelry.


You losers,
You murderers,
You takers,
You soul-takers.

You are the reason why the gas prices are getting higher,
       why children in Africa have no food and are getting slaughtered for no reason
Why North Korea keeps threatening the whole world for nuclear damnation.


You no job having bastards,
You retards, 
You lived in barnyards,
You have no regards.

You are the reason why I am stuck in this deadend job
         why my marriage is failing and my kids have no respect for me
Why friends are more successful than I am.


You fun loving sacks 
  of shits.

You laughing, giggling 

You brave, stupid, adventurous

Wild Men.

You are the reason...

Posted by Ryan

Bruce Lee Vs. Jackie Chan- Who would win?

ATTENTION: This is possibly the most important article on this blog that I will ever write or think about.
Who would win between Legendary martial artist Bruce Lee or movie specialist Jackie Chan, a superior martial artist himself, in a fight to death.
If you have lived under a rock or live in Alaska, you have watched and know about these two famous Asian people. 
Bruce Lee brought the first MMA(Mixed Martial Arts) forms to the United States and to mainstream the media. While, Mr. Chan brought death-defying stunts to the movie screen and possibly the best Asian buddy cop films ever made.
So, we are here to discuss who will be the master of who?
Will it be nunchaku-wielding bad ass or the drunken fighting monkey? 
This is why we were created, to answer all the hard questions...

Note: I spotted Jackie eating yogurt at Pinkberry the other day with friends. Please don't let this affect your decision on the fight/

Posted by Ryan

Brad Pitt rides his Motorcycle in West Hollywood Part 2

He's so dreamy...

Posted by Ryan

A Paparazzi Lifestyle


The first time I ever went to an airport I was six and the excitement was so great that I puked at school that day. I remember with awe walking into the terminal seeing the planes take off and land. It was a magical place....
Now it is a hunting ground, a forest filled with celebrity prey. Papping at an airport has taken all the magic from the place. Where once was awe is now replaced with annoyance. 

When you pap being at an airport is awful, because the place is crawling with both civilians and more importantly cops. And cops love nothing more then to give a hard working honest pap a rude experience. Add in a bunch of foreign paps with backpacks who just look suspicious and the airport becomes a circus environment to shoot. 

Gang bangs at the airport are especially interesting cause nothing generates more good will from the police then 20 paps encircling a celeb and following for what seems like forever

The celebrities themselves must hate flying. Flying to them has become an inescapable retreat, because no one likes to be filmed when they get off a plane. Years ago they could get smashed up there, make the flight go quickly, land get their bags and joyfully get home, but today how can they get trashed when they know the paparazzi horde await them at arrival. The looks the passengers give to the men with cameras as they get off the plane is priceless, it's like they are staring at dozens of child pervs waiting at the school bus drop off.

The worst airport shooting though is in the early morning. There are not many if any other paps there, so to start off you feel like a stalker waiting at the airport for your target. A hitman with a name and face, but the place is half empty. So your actions are closely watched and monitored. Big brother has his eyes on you. At 5:30 in the morning not many people are functional, even less so when they know they have a camera pointed at them.


These words were hurled at me by the wife of Buzz Aldrin as I shot the moon man as he and his wife went through the airport. He went to the moon and back, and I'm going to kill him with a video camera and a question.

The real debate is this.....if Buzz does start to die while I shoot him, do I put camera down to help or keep shooting?
Posted By Ro

Jodie Sweetin has a FULL HOUSE if you know what I mean...

I knew there was a reason I loved watching Full House.
It certainly wasn't for freakin Dave Coulier's(Joey) comical stylings.

Posted By Ryan

What the Heck does Lauren Conrad have to write about?

Today, was a sad day for the Human race when I found out the Hills star, Lauren Conrad came to the Grove to whore her new book L.A. Candy to mindless lemmings. 
The last time we saw L.C. she was saying goodbye to the Hills forever. I thought she was also saying goodbye being in the public limelight but like Usher's marriage, I made mistake.
Conrad, 22, has signed on to write three-books series of young adult fiction for Harper Collins. 
Legendary authors like Woolf,  Orwell, Faulkner, Hemingway, & Bukowski are turning over in their graves.

Posted By Ryan

This is why we don't have a Los Angeles football team

We have too many fuckin idiots and psychos in L.A.

Oh yeah, Fuck Kobe Bryant...

Posted By Ryan

The Genius Machine gets the Case on the Mundays...

We wanted to show all our fans out there in the World Wide Web that we work hard for your entertainment needs...Not really, it's a fucking Monday, fuck working.

Have fun working at your sorry ass jobs Losers...

Posted By Ryan